The Maid in the Hotel - this WILL make you laugh...

The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London
hotel and one of its guests. The hotel ended up submitting the letters
to the London Sunday Times:
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
since I have brought my own bath-sized Imperial Leather. Please remove
the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and
another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you, S
Berman

Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from
her day off. I took the three hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as
you requested. The six bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put
on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind.
This leaves only the three bars I left today and my instructions from
the management are to leave three soaps daily. I hope this is
satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid

Dear Maid
I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not tell you about
my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my
room this evening, found you had added three little Camays to the shelf
under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two
weeks and have brought my own bath-sized Imperial Leather, so I won't
need those six little Camays, which are on the shelf. They are in my way
when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.
S Berman

Dear Mr Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr Kensedder, informed me this morning that you
called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid
service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept
my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future
complaints, please contact me so I can give it my personal attention.
Call extension 1108 between 8am and 5pm. Thank you.
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
business at 7:45am and don't get back before 5:30 or 6pm. That's the
reason I called Mr Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I
only asked Mr Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars
of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new
check in today, since she left another three bars of hotel soap in my
medicine cabinet, along with her regular delivery of three bars on the
Bathroom shelf. In just five days here I have accumulated 24 little bars
of soap. Why are you doing this to me?
S Berman

Dear Mr Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your
room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance,
please call extension 1108 between 8am and 5pm. Thank you, Elaine
Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Mr Kensedder,
My bath-sized Imperial Leather is missing. Every bar of soap was taken
from my room, including my own bath-sized Imperial Leather. I came in
late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me four little
Cashmere Bouquets S Berman

Dear Mr Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I
cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are
instructed to leave three bars of soap each time they service a room.
The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies
for the inconvenience.
Martin L Kensedder, Assistant Manager

Dear Mrs Carmen,
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last
night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of
Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-sized Imperial Leather. Do you
realise I have 54 bars of soap in here? All I want is my bath-sized
Imperial Leather. Please give me back my bath-sized Imperial Leather.
S Berman

Dear Mr Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room, so I had them removed.
Then you complained to Mr Kensedder that all your soap was missing, so I
personally returned them - the 24 Camays which had been taken and the
three Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I don't know anything
about the four Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not
know I had returned your soaps, so she also brought 24 Camays plus the
three daily Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this hotel
issues bath-sized Imperial Leather. I was able to locate some bath-sized
Ivory which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Mrs Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.
As of today, I possess:

* On the shelf under the medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4
and 1 stack of 2.

* On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.

* On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4
hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.

* Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of
2.

* In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.

* On the Northeast corner of the tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly
used.

* On the Northwest corner of the tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are
neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more
than four have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window
sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap
deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized
Imperial Leather which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid
further misunderstandings.
S Berman